Halfway to Sanity

The week is halfway over... only one more long double-job day to go. There is possibly a light at the end of the tunnel.

Job #1
Today I bailed on 3 hours of meetings only to find myself in a different meeting that lasted 4 hours. However that 4 hour meeting was super productive so it was a good swap. My pre-concert slide show is, dare I say - done. I still have to make a presentation that will play during the concerts, but I feel much more comfortable with the computer program I have to use so I am much less stressed out about completing that by Friday.

Job #2 
Tonight I stretched my 1 hour shift out to 1.5 hours so that I'd at least break $10. I pretty much spent the entire time complaining - poor Laura and Stephanie!

Fitness
Nothing today. My whole body is a little sore from training yesterday, except my calves. My calves are KILLING me! How weird!

Food
Hung in there pretty well today until, well... now. I'm eating my second piece of chocolate (Rebecca... you know what this refers to) and that's AFTER already having dessert. Oh well. At least I was good the good majority of the day.

Family and Friends
Good news! My dad's procedure this morning went well (although his offering to be a medical research test person means he now has shaved legs and a shaved chest... woohoo!!). If everything goes as it should he should be good as new on Monday and avoid surgery. In the meantime...

Gangsta Dad in a soft collar!

Apartment
What's that? I feel like I've barely seen it this week.

Wedding Planning
Maybe it's too soon for this to be a category. Only thing to report in this category today is that my dad suggested I have Bichon Frise ring bearers. The only thing I didn't like about that was that he left out the Bichon flower girls. ;-)

Rarrr

It's Tuesday.

Job #1
Escort training session. Attempting to make a slide show on a Mac (totally unfamiliar territory) that 10,000+ people will see next week... RARRRR.

Two computers?? It's too much....

Job #2
Working tonight... and the next two nights after that. RARRRR.

Fitness
Sarah and I had partner training with Vinny this morning. I love training. I wish we could do it every day. Definitely the highlight of my day, even if sweat is dripping off my nose and into my mouth.

Food
Have managed not to let the RARRR's derail my plan. If I did I know it would be reaaaally ugly so I will do my best not to get thrown off track.

Family and Friends
My mom is finally sounding better. Thank goodness! Wednesday morning my dad is going in for a second shot in hopes to avoid surgery. I hope this one works. I'm very homesick right now and wish I were there. A lot of my friends seem to have a bit of the blahs too. I suppose it's that time of year. RARRR.

Apartment 
I spent Monday night reaaaally cleaning the bedroom, so that is nice. But otherwise I don't really want to be here. RARRRR.

Wedding Planning
No comment. Sheena and Jason, on the otherhand, are already planning to visit a venue this weekend. Their wedding planning = smiles. Mine? RARRRR.

I'm back

I apologize for taking a 10 day break. A few exciting things have happened...

1) Sheena and Jason are engaged!! My dad has suggested a double wedding, haha.

2) Lisa got tenure with the orchestra!!

Big massive congratulations to both girls!!!

Other than that... I still have a case of the blahs, which is kind of why I abandoned the ol' blog for awhile. But today I'm making a real effort to get on track, so in an effort to transfer that energy to my blog, I'm going to try writing in categories rather than chronologically taking you through my days. It could totally not work - we'll see. Here goes...

Job #1
This is creating stress #1. Yesterday we had a very successful family concert, but it was the cause for a good deal of stress.

Pre-Concert Activities

Family Concert

Next week we have our first round of field-trip concerts, which means this week and next will be downright awful. I realize the field-trip concerts are a good percentage of my job, but I truly hate life while they are happening.

Job #2
It's still freezing at the front desk. No bueno. I also feel like I'm getting duped into taking extra shifts lately. It's hard to say no when you consider your supervisors your friends. If I made decent money, it would feel more "worth it." But seriously... I will be working 2 extra days this week and won't even break $25 between the two... Why do I do this again? Oh yeah... for the free gym membership... of which I am not allowed to use today. Or tomorrow. Or Wednesday...

Fitness
Sadly not much to report. Besides regular partner training with Sarah and Vinny, nothing has been really going on all that consistently. Monday's Zumba class is on hold for the next month :( I'm barely allowed to use the club, I have a stupid front desk meeting this Thursday so no Zumba then... It's too cold to run outside (I mean I could but yuck). And after Rebecca got the shaft of all shafts at her recent Michigan audition, I have a feeling we will be boycotting boxing on principle from here on out.

Food
Today is going well so far. Otherwise? Hardy har har.

Family and Friends
I've barely had time to talk to my parents on the phone over the last few days. I hope you're both hanging in there! Andy's been super busy too - I see him, but we mostly just say hello with glazed looks in our eyes, so I don't really feel very connected at this point in time. Friends are great as always. Lately I've had fun celebrating Lisa's tenure by playing another rousing round of "The Game of Things." Sarah and I have had some solid bouts of being attached at the hip lately, which is fun as always. And Katie's Superbowl (aka Beyonce Concert) fiesta was really fun. Friends, if it weren't for you, I think I'd lose it!

Apartment
The events mentioned above means I have not done laundry. I have not done dishes. I have not vacuumed or swept. I also have not been able to watch TV - specifically Downton Abbey. I am once again behind an episode.

Wedding Planning 
Despair. There's no time to look at places. There are no places I really want to look at. And while I have a lot of time to become beautiful before the big day, instead I'm getting fat and pale with bad hair. Wrong direction.

Ok I can't really think of anymore categories. So... I guess I'll sign off for now! I'm going to go tanning for the first time in over a month - that should make me feel better!

Things are (sort of) looking up

Ok so everything I listed before is basically still all bad - actually I don't think any of it has really changed at all, except that I realized I left out that my knee has been hurting for a month and it's been FREEZING cold outside. Just wanted to make sure you were all thoroughly informed. ;-)

I hoped things would have died down after our surprisingly successful annual meeting but they didn't - yesterday was even more full of job number one drama. Speaking of... look who's become quite the spokesman!

Andy, getting ready to go on camera!

I've been staying up late to watch the news coverage. Here's our board president.

I don't think there's going to be any escaping job number one drama for quite awhile - at work or at home. So since that's not going to change, I decided to just be happy anyway (or at least try). It helps when you have such loving wonderful supportive friends.

What a better way to start the day that I've decided to be happy again than with partner training with Sarah. Well, it seemed like a great way to start the day, until 35 minutes into training when I looked at Sarah and told her I felt like I was going to throw up. Then 10 minutes after that, while Vinny was having me do pull ups (hardy har har), I got to tell him I was about to throw up. I mean... I know I haven't been working out all that much lately, but seriously? Thankfully I did not throw up - I think Vinny could tell we were both struggling, so he just took it easy on us the rest of the time! Anyway, it wasn't the best training session we've ever had, but I'm still glad we did it.

And now I need to pack up from job number one and head off to job number two. It will be the third time this week I've worked both jobs back to back. No wonder I've been depressed! But the finances are still in need so I need to suck it up and just do it.

This weekend I don't have a lot planned besides working job number two some more and hopefully having a healthy hangout with Sarah. Starting next week my job responsibilities at job number one are about to explode and will only (briefly) let up at the end of February... right in time to start running again! Oh yeah... sometimes I forget I am a "runner." ;-)

Have a good weekend!

Hole of despair

My world seems black. I realized the magnitude of my despair last night while I couldn't sleep. I'm not writing this to prompt a bunch of comments on how I'm a good person or how everything will be ok, because I know I'm a good person, and I know somehow these things will work themselves out, but making lists makes me happy, so I'm going to make a list of everything that is awful right now.

- I came back from Washington sick. I am still not 100% better. I'm tired of breathing through my mouth and having a headache everyday.

- My boobs hurt. Sorry I know this is TMI, but they've been sore for almost two weeks now. The last thing I want to do is stuff them into a sports bra and jump around, so that plus the sickness has killed my motivation to workout. I also wake up every morning drenched in sweat. Sore boobs plus waking up sweaty has got to mean my hormones are whacked out right now, which of course makes me super nervous since I haven't had a period since I started training for the marathon.

- No period means I should take a test just to be safe, but those things cost about $10, and I only have $14.55 in my checking account right now, and I have to get gas after work if I want to make it home. So you can imagine that since I only have $14.55, I'm pretty stressed-out financially. Side note: It is usually not that bad, but I have been living off of my furlough paycheck for the last two weeks... thankfully I get paid tomorrow.

-  Job number one is a complete disaster and I cannot escape it. I go to work... all of my coworkers are on edge (and that is putting it very lightly for some of them). I talk to Anna and Lisa, they are stressed about it. Then I go home, and Andy is stressed about it. And it all makes sense, but I can't escape it, and the problem is the issue is so "intoxicating" that it's hard not to get swept up and emotional about it. Things are especially stressful since our annual meeting is today. Talking about it last night got Andy and I both so worked up that we just spent all night yelling at each other and now we're barely talking... all about whether or not a staff member should have expressed their stress over setting up a table last minute. Stupid. Yet I was so mad I didn't even start to fall asleep until around 2:00am.

- Job number two is not great either. While I was in WA our boss was basically fired, and now we have Marcia as our supervisor, which is definitely for the better, but change is always a little tricky. I can tell not everyone is completely on board, and even though everything is fine as far as I'm concerned, it's a little odd to leave a job one way, and come back to it totally different without any warning. Not to mention, we get paid garbage there because they consider our free membership compensation for the work we do... oh except we're barely allowed to use the club right now since it's so busy and they've restricted the hours we're allowed to work out. Plus did I mention I work at the front desk so when it is 7 degrees outside and the front doors open over and over and over again, it is FREEZING up there? Yeah job number two isn't so great...

- My parents are falling apart. Actually I think they're maybe starting to get better, but I'm upset they are falling apart and feel so guilty that I am not around to help. My mom's first day back to work was yesterday and I know she was exhausted and is in a lot of pain now. I wish she could stay home and keep resting her leg. Then my dad has been having arm pain for awhile... he had a doctor's appointment to determine whether or not he needs surgery - I guess right now they are just going to try giving him a shot in his neck in hopes that it will take away some of the swelling.

- My Seneca7 Relay has become a living nightmare. There's no way to resolve it without making someone upset, and as all of the people doing it are people I care about, it means I'm going to have to upset someone I care about. If only I could win the lottery so I could take everyone's financial concerns away - and then also find a 7th runner who everyone loved, well then it would all be fine. But it's not all fine. Honestly, I wish I had never signed us all up for it in the first place.

- My productivity level is pathetic. I try to lose myself in the magical world of Pinterest to pretend that everything is happy and fine. But instead I don't get anything done, and then I feel more despair because I'm failing at getting my life in order at home and feeling like a lazy failure at work.

- I feel ugly... I haven't been tanning in weeks so I feel pale and feel like my skin is more gross than normal (honestly tanning seems to help my complexion a bit). Since I'm gaining weight by the second (more on that in a minute) I'm back into my fat pants and worrying about finding shirts that don't cling. And now that I'm back at work, I'm back to wearing uncomfortable shoes that I don't even think are cute. I. hate. work. shoes. And then there's my hair... I haven't had highlights or a trim since a few weeks before the marathon. My hair is all scraggly and grown out and looks bland and boring. Plus my eyebrows are unruly and I always feel like it is impossible to look pretty without nice eyebrows. But a brow wax and trip to get my hair done cost much more than the $14.55 I have right now, so those things will have to wait... probably for a long time.

- Which brings me to the card that trumps them all. Food. Who makes me feel better when I am sick? Food. Who makes me feel happy when my boobs are sore? Food. Who makes me not worry when I'm freaked out about money? Food. Who distracts me at both jobs from all of the work drama? Food. Who comforts me at home when I'm upset? Food. Who makes me forget that I even have a relay race to worry about? Food. Who soothes me from feeling like a failure when I get nothing done? Food. Why am I saying "who" and acting like food is a person? Because to me it is. Food is my friend. I know I have wonderful friends and amazing parents, but when I feel like I'm in the pit of despair I feel so alone. Food is my friend. But food is also my enemy. I thought the day I'd get engaged would be the day the pounds would melt off and I'd become the thin person I used to be when Andy and I first met. Nope. Instead I've just managed to gain and gain and gain. And honestly, if everything I listed above weren't there to list... if everything was going great... I would still feel despair over stuffing my face with food. So you see... food is my enemy too.

God that was all very depressing. I'm sorry you had to read it all, but like I said in the beginning, I wrote it more for myself to get it all out of my system rather than to seek sympathy from you folks who've got life a bit more together than myself. I don't think getting it all out of my system will magically flip my happy switch - I'll have to work on it all a little at a time. And then wish for a dash of luck/inspiration/motivation too.

Whenever I was little my mom used to make me say two nice compliments about someone if I said something mean about them, so I will end this post with two happy things that I am enjoying in life right now.

1) New sheets. I got new sheets from IKEA during their after Christmas sale. Not only were they cheap, but I finally put them on the bed this weekend and I really really like them.

2) Rebecca rescued a house plant that was left for the garbage man on the sidewalk and is kindly giving it to me! Rebecca's Aunt Hoag just passed away (she was 91, a good long life) so in honor of her, I am naming my new plant "Plant Hoag." That joke makes me smile. :-)

Plant Hoag

Andy's Birthday Weekend

He's 30!!!!!!

Andy's birthday celebrations spanned an entire weekend, as they should - 30 is a big deal! Birthday part 1 began Friday night. Anna, Lisa, Rose, Bipul, Will, Andy, and I all had dinner together at Espada, a new Brazilian steakhouse in town. My parents took Andy and I to a similar place in Seattle once and we had a lot of fun, so we've been itching for Espada to open so we could give it a try. It didn't disappoint!

Will's going in for the kill!

In case you've never been to one of these places, here's a quick overview. Everyone gets to enjoy a salad bar that is definitely more involved than your standard salad bar. From there you choose what "level" you want to order - your level depends on what meats you are offered. The rest of the night is spent getting table-side visits from guys carrying different skewers of assorted meats, and when you see something you like they shave off a piece for you.

Will, Andy, and Bipul all ordered the "Gold"

The ladies went with the "Silver"

I don't think I need to see anymore red meat anytime soon!

I am happy to say I tried the salmon, and sad to say I still don't like it. Of all of the different meats we tried, all of the different creative options at the salad bar, do you know what my favorite part of the whole meal was? The mashed potatoes. They were so good!!! Since it was a birthday dinner, we of course had to order dessert. We all got different things and tried each others. All of the desserts were really good.

I especially enjoyed my churros!

Saturday was a mix of work and play. I worked job number two in the morning, then ran around getting food and drinks for Andy's birthday party. I even managed to score a bottle of the wine being served at the Inaugural Luncheon, which I thought was pretty special.

I must say the party was a success - even Elvis came to the party!

He's on the guitar o' popcorn!
(which we are now using as a piggy bank)

We played "The Game of Things" (thank you Katie and Scott for getting it!) - I think this is the funniest game of all time. Sadly Lisa wasn't able to come because she got sick after getting home from Espada (no, we don't think Espada made her sick), but her sickness turned out to be quite the source of inspiration for our game...

The prompt was: Things you wouldn't want to clean...

Poor Lisa! Here are some other pictures from the game...

Bipul deep in thought
(apparently holding a pen to his nose helps his creativity)

Rose also deep in thought... ;)

Scott - raising his hand; what a good sportsman!

There will be more game nights in our future - I'm sure of it!

Sunday was the actual official birthday. After sleeping in and being lazy for awhile, I took the birthday boy out for breakfast.

They had trivia at our table - he did very well!

The rest of the day was spent in Buffalo. Andy's mom made dinner and both of his grandmothers made the trip out to celebrate with him, which was pretty special. :-) I must say Andy handled turning 30 with grace. I hope I manage the transition as well as he did.

Monday... drumroll please.... the office was closed!!!! I spent my morning at the gym with Sarah watching the Inauguration. Then I honestly spent the rest of the day in a sad mopey funk. My beautiful Seneca7 Relay I thought I had organized is all falling apart and at this point, I'm not feeling very convinced it will happen. Sooo I tortured myself by going through all of my 2012 race pictures (thinking I was being productive but really it all just made me even more sad because I remembered how fun all of the races were, and know how fun the relay COULD be, and then thought about all the fun I probably wouldn't be having because it's probably not going to work out). :-( But once I laid out all of the races I'd done last year, I must say I was pretty impressed. I ran a lot last year...

13 races in 2012

If you've read all the way to here, I must say I'm very impressed! Thanks for sticking through this post with me. Now I'm back at job number one... have to go to job number two soon.... I've already had a baddie that I wasn't planning on... so I'm not having a good day. Tuesdays are never my favorite days, and job number one is having their annual meeting tomorrow which has the potential to go up in flames. I know I'm already stressed about tomorrow, and tomorrow isn't even here yet! I really need to get a grip.

Ode to Rebecca

My life has not been very exciting this week. I've been super sore from training on Tuesday morning, the yucks have returned (seriously, how long will this sickness last), I've been eating tons of crap and gaining back all the weight I worked so hard to lose... I haven't even been tanning in weeks so I'm pale and gross.

Rebecca, however, is owning life. I'm sure you all have gathered by now that Rebecca is my best friend at job number one. Job number one is completely miserable when she is not here. Soon she will be gone putting herself through another torturous round of conducting auditions. I'm not looking forward to her absence. But before the whirlwind of auditions takes place, Rebecca is owning life.

When I think back to going through grad school auditions, I remember staying up ridiculously late filling out applications, making "down to the wire" trips to FedEx, crying a lot, practicing a ton, and I'm pretty sure there was lots and lots of sweating (and clogged toilets, but that's just going too far).

Was I working out? No. Is Rebecca working out? Yes.

She goes to the gym, she goes to boxing, she lifts weights at the office,
and she beats me everyday in our "fitbit" competition. 

Was I having afternoon tea each day at 3:00? No. Is Rebecca? Yes.

She's sophisticated!

Was I conducting concerts for a non-profit that I created and run? No. Is Rebecca? Yes.

I saw this advertisement for her concert in a local deli!

This weekend is Andy's 30th birthday. WOW!!! There will be festivities left and right, but come Monday I really truly sincerely hope to get back on track with my life. I haven't felt "in control" of things ever since coming back from Washington, and honestly - I usually struggle whenever I get back... I'm sad, I miss my parents, I miss having vacation and free time. But come Monday! It's time to get back on track, and I will be using Rebecca as inspiration, because Lord knows if she can own life while preparing for auditions, then there is noooo reason I can't at least give it an effort. :-)