Hope on the Horizon

Well... life moves forward, and man isn't it a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Let's start with the ugly so that we end on a better note. I'll warn you that this is not even ugly. This is just straight up heart wrenching.

Shelley is one of Sarah's best friends, and I've been lucky enough to meet her (and her husband Dan) and hang out on a few occasions. I don't even know Shelley all that well, but it's obvious after spending about 0.5 seconds with her that... and here I'm even at a loss for words because she doesn't even just have a kind heart or a vibrant spirit. Shelley has genuine goodness flowing through every inch of her body. I know that sounds kind of weird, but I don't care. And I barely know her! But I know deep down that this is true - Shelley is one of those "one in a million" kinds of people. I am so sorry to say that Shelley and Dan lost their baby girl a few days after she was born. There are no words. Friends - I know you don't know them, but please send all of your love and positive thoughts to Shelley and Dan. And send your good thoughts to Sarah too. It's never easy to see the people you love in pain.

Shelley - you are SO loved!

Talk about putting things into perspective. Who cares if my knee hurts?!

But seriously though, my knee still hurts... now the bad and then to the good news. The bad news is I have the following: ACL laxity, patellar tendonitis, a mild medial meniscus injury, and synovitis. Basically my knee is crying and its tears are causing the pain (tears = fluid from inflammation). I have been instructed to refrain from exercise for a week (not even swimming) and have some strong anti-inflammatory meds I get to take for a month. So that's all the bad, but the good is that that SHOULD (fingers crossed) fix the issue, meaning no surgery!!! What a relief.

I've been so wrapped up in my knee despair that I've failed to update you guys on some genuinely happy things that have been happening. Let's end this post on a positive note...

My go-to grocery store closed, which is sad, but means we're one step closer to the new store opening (you can see the new towers poking out behind the old store)!

Goodbye Wegs!

I got my birthday present from my parents!! I tried to wait until my birthday, but I couldn't resist opening it ahead of time. YAY!!!

Future posts will be made on my NEW LAPTOP!!!

And last, but certainly not least.... Anna and Bipul are licensed to wed!!!!

Their big day is less than a month away!

Alright friends, I think that's all for now. Time to pick up my prescription and get this show on the road. Like it or not sometimes, things keep moving. It's time for me to get back to living and being happy.

I'm not back

Why does 2013 hate the Larsons?

My mom is on the mend. She's going through physical therapy for her ankle now and is at least able to walk without crutches. Hopefully soon she will be able to get rid of her boot! But what a lousy way to spend the first two months of the year. Poor Mom.

My dad is not on the mend. After several attempts to fix his neck/shoulder/arm issue, it's finally come to him needing surgery. On March 13th my dad will have an artificial disc put in his neck, and will get to sport a lovely soft collar neck brace for awhile. Poor Dad.

I finally went to physical therapy this morning after spending 2.5 months with some persistent knee pain. After being poked and twisted, the PT guy says I've got fluid in my knee (I could have told him that) and that there's a chance my medial meniscus is torn. He's submitting his findings to my doctor and it looks like I have some x-rays to look forward to in the very near future.

Peeps - I'm obviously imagining the worst so I'm preparing myself to be thoroughly devastated.

1) What if I need surgery? That's scary, especially to not have my parents around.
2) How will I pay for this? I just switched health insurance plans to the high deductible kind. Great timing...
3) What if I can't run? I'd be sad if I couldn't run the half marathon at the end of April, but worse... what if I can't run the relay?? After so much drama surrounding the relay, I would feel terrible to let my team down (now that we actually have one).
4) Being depressed + Not being able to exercise.... I am so so so afraid I will eat and eat and eat and gain tons of weight and hate myself

Of all I'm most afraid of number 4. I know that's pathetic, but the truth is... despite exercising now, I've been gaining weight like crazy. I'm up 10 pounds from Christmas. I'm just so upset. It's taking everything I have not to cry at work (I'm not doing a very good job). How could this be happening? What happened to my self control and will power?? I feel like I'm trapped inside a body that I can't control - I can feel my facial features receding into massive fatty cheeks, I can feel my chin and neck get all bunched up in weird ways whenever I barely tip my chin down... my stomach, my arms, my inner thighs, my hips, my back - I hate them all. I used to be proud of my legs - so what if they are bulky, they carried me 26.2 miles. But now? Now they're still bulky, and lumpy, and pale... oh and they don't even work anymore. Sorry, I know I'm being ridiculous. I'm just so upset and I can't stop crying and my throat feels swollen from trying to hold back the tears.

I really wanted 2013 to be a great year. I really thought that the moment I became engaged, everything would be even better than before. But ever since I got back from spending Christmas in Washington, everything has been awful. All 2013 blog updates are just depressing. I want so badly to turn things around - to feel a stable sense of happiness. I really thought starting to train for the half marathon would "fix" things, and it did for Monday. But then Tuesday happened and job number two was frustrating, and then Wednesday happened and I was exhausted from working both jobs the day before, and here we are on Thursday and now I'm not supposed to run if it hurts my knee (which it does). Why can't things just go right for a change????

I know it's all my outlook. But I just can't. seem. to. change. it. :-(

I'm baaaaaaaaack!

Wow I've been slacking on this blog business! In my defense, I just finished two of the busiest weeks of the season at job number one. I turned into a nasty evil stress ball and ate TONS of baddies. So clearly - between running 4 field-trip concerts and stuffing my face with garbage, there was no time to update the ol' blog.

Until now!!! Job number one has calmed down (for a bit), I managed to restock the kitchen with real food, I have clean underwear, and most importantly.... HALF MARATHON TRAINING STARTS TODAY!!!

I'm back in business.

Training Schedule for the next few weeks

It feels SO good to have a plan again. I was originally going to do an intermediate program, but I decided to go with a beginner program instead... I can work my way up to doing an intermediate program for the half marathon in September. This will be just right for me to get back into the swing of things.

In addition to running, partner training with Sarah, and Zumba, I am also doing my "Lent Challenge." Katie and I decided that instead of giving something up for Lent, we would do a different set of exercises each day.   Katie made these cards for us to use, and they are actually kind of fun to do. Andy has done several of them with me - and I can vouch that they work. I've been sore almost every day!

Lent Challenge

Obviously I'm hoping (as I always do) that I will lose weight (again). I actually found my food journal from this time last year. Right now I weigh 0.2 pounds less than I did last year. For as much as my weight fluctuates, I am amazed at how "consistent" my winter weight seems to be.

Hmm what else should I catch you up on... Andy took me to TRATA (a new restaurant I've really wanted to try) for V-Day, so that was a lot of fun. I've resumed wedding venue hunting and am now looking at some less "traditional" places, which has proven to be somewhat promising - I have a few more to add to my list of places to check out (someday). Aaaand my 30th birthday is exactly 2 weeks from today so I will start planning what I want to do for that very soon too.

Alright one hour of work left, then it's off to the gym for my first 2 mile run!!!

Halfway to Sanity

The week is halfway over... only one more long double-job day to go. There is possibly a light at the end of the tunnel.

Job #1
Today I bailed on 3 hours of meetings only to find myself in a different meeting that lasted 4 hours. However that 4 hour meeting was super productive so it was a good swap. My pre-concert slide show is, dare I say - done. I still have to make a presentation that will play during the concerts, but I feel much more comfortable with the computer program I have to use so I am much less stressed out about completing that by Friday.

Job #2 
Tonight I stretched my 1 hour shift out to 1.5 hours so that I'd at least break $10. I pretty much spent the entire time complaining - poor Laura and Stephanie!

Fitness
Nothing today. My whole body is a little sore from training yesterday, except my calves. My calves are KILLING me! How weird!

Food
Hung in there pretty well today until, well... now. I'm eating my second piece of chocolate (Rebecca... you know what this refers to) and that's AFTER already having dessert. Oh well. At least I was good the good majority of the day.

Family and Friends
Good news! My dad's procedure this morning went well (although his offering to be a medical research test person means he now has shaved legs and a shaved chest... woohoo!!). If everything goes as it should he should be good as new on Monday and avoid surgery. In the meantime...

Gangsta Dad in a soft collar!

Apartment
What's that? I feel like I've barely seen it this week.

Wedding Planning
Maybe it's too soon for this to be a category. Only thing to report in this category today is that my dad suggested I have Bichon Frise ring bearers. The only thing I didn't like about that was that he left out the Bichon flower girls. ;-)

Rarrr

It's Tuesday.

Job #1
Escort training session. Attempting to make a slide show on a Mac (totally unfamiliar territory) that 10,000+ people will see next week... RARRRR.

Two computers?? It's too much....

Job #2
Working tonight... and the next two nights after that. RARRRR.

Fitness
Sarah and I had partner training with Vinny this morning. I love training. I wish we could do it every day. Definitely the highlight of my day, even if sweat is dripping off my nose and into my mouth.

Food
Have managed not to let the RARRR's derail my plan. If I did I know it would be reaaaally ugly so I will do my best not to get thrown off track.

Family and Friends
My mom is finally sounding better. Thank goodness! Wednesday morning my dad is going in for a second shot in hopes to avoid surgery. I hope this one works. I'm very homesick right now and wish I were there. A lot of my friends seem to have a bit of the blahs too. I suppose it's that time of year. RARRR.

Apartment 
I spent Monday night reaaaally cleaning the bedroom, so that is nice. But otherwise I don't really want to be here. RARRRR.

Wedding Planning
No comment. Sheena and Jason, on the otherhand, are already planning to visit a venue this weekend. Their wedding planning = smiles. Mine? RARRRR.

I'm back

I apologize for taking a 10 day break. A few exciting things have happened...

1) Sheena and Jason are engaged!! My dad has suggested a double wedding, haha.

2) Lisa got tenure with the orchestra!!

Big massive congratulations to both girls!!!

Other than that... I still have a case of the blahs, which is kind of why I abandoned the ol' blog for awhile. But today I'm making a real effort to get on track, so in an effort to transfer that energy to my blog, I'm going to try writing in categories rather than chronologically taking you through my days. It could totally not work - we'll see. Here goes...

Job #1
This is creating stress #1. Yesterday we had a very successful family concert, but it was the cause for a good deal of stress.

Pre-Concert Activities

Family Concert

Next week we have our first round of field-trip concerts, which means this week and next will be downright awful. I realize the field-trip concerts are a good percentage of my job, but I truly hate life while they are happening.

Job #2
It's still freezing at the front desk. No bueno. I also feel like I'm getting duped into taking extra shifts lately. It's hard to say no when you consider your supervisors your friends. If I made decent money, it would feel more "worth it." But seriously... I will be working 2 extra days this week and won't even break $25 between the two... Why do I do this again? Oh yeah... for the free gym membership... of which I am not allowed to use today. Or tomorrow. Or Wednesday...

Fitness
Sadly not much to report. Besides regular partner training with Sarah and Vinny, nothing has been really going on all that consistently. Monday's Zumba class is on hold for the next month :( I'm barely allowed to use the club, I have a stupid front desk meeting this Thursday so no Zumba then... It's too cold to run outside (I mean I could but yuck). And after Rebecca got the shaft of all shafts at her recent Michigan audition, I have a feeling we will be boycotting boxing on principle from here on out.

Food
Today is going well so far. Otherwise? Hardy har har.

Family and Friends
I've barely had time to talk to my parents on the phone over the last few days. I hope you're both hanging in there! Andy's been super busy too - I see him, but we mostly just say hello with glazed looks in our eyes, so I don't really feel very connected at this point in time. Friends are great as always. Lately I've had fun celebrating Lisa's tenure by playing another rousing round of "The Game of Things." Sarah and I have had some solid bouts of being attached at the hip lately, which is fun as always. And Katie's Superbowl (aka Beyonce Concert) fiesta was really fun. Friends, if it weren't for you, I think I'd lose it!

Apartment
The events mentioned above means I have not done laundry. I have not done dishes. I have not vacuumed or swept. I also have not been able to watch TV - specifically Downton Abbey. I am once again behind an episode.

Wedding Planning 
Despair. There's no time to look at places. There are no places I really want to look at. And while I have a lot of time to become beautiful before the big day, instead I'm getting fat and pale with bad hair. Wrong direction.

Ok I can't really think of anymore categories. So... I guess I'll sign off for now! I'm going to go tanning for the first time in over a month - that should make me feel better!