Babs Beats the Barrage of Baddies!!!

RRRAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Quick recap. Wednesday night Bikram - felt like crap, but still pushed through. Thursday - both Jobs, long day, so tired, had cramps ALL day, resisted all of the baddies at both jobs (Job #1 = cookies, pear upside down cake, chocolate. Job #2 = chocolate, fudge, truffles, pretzels, twizzlers, and assorted candy). Friday - this morning I weighed more. What gives??? I still go to yoga and manage to pass up all the treats... but no. Didn't seem to matter.

So today I am frustrated! I still have cramps! I am irritable! I am annoyed that I cannot go to work without having baddies shoved in my face! How are my coworkers not 500 pounds???

I emailed Seetha. My mom. Andy. And Sheena. And while I'm still incredibly irritated, I have decided - THESE BADDIES WILL NOT WIN TODAY!!!!

Here is what I am not having.

Box of Donuts

Bourbon Balls

Muffins, Bagels, Pear Cake, Crackers (and fruit)

Gummy bears and the biggest box of Reese's ever!!!

Baddies hiding in the fruit bowl!

I got to escape the office in the middle of the day to go to the Brass Quintet's holiday performance at the hospital. I wasn't even safe there!!!!!

PUNCH AND COOKIES!!!!!!

There was more too that I wasn't able to get a picture of.... quiche, asparagus in puffed pastry, spanikopita, lots more donuts/muffins/bagels than shown, and a number of candy and chocolate dishes scattered around. Oh, and I also got invited to go get pizza for lunch.

LEAVE ME ALONE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And with that, I am signing off. On my way to yoga, followed by dinner with Andy. Tomorrow I have Job #2 (and WWIII against the baddies there again),  and then.... FREEDOM!!!! No more work until 2014!! Woohooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

The Countdown Is On!

With less than one week until Christmas, the holiday season is in full swing! We had our holiday party for Job #1 on Tuesday night. It was nice in the fact that there were a lot of healthy food choices for me, so I was able to have a dinner that stayed on track. It was also nice because I managed to not have to talk to that many people, haha.

Babs, Lisa, Laura, and Heather

"Full swing holiday season" also means there are tons of baddies at both jobs right now. So far so good. Meeting with Seetha every other day is really helping me stay accountable. I am very lucky that she so generously spends all that time with me. :-)

Anyway, last night (Wednesday) I went to Bikram again. It was not good. I got cramps less than halfway through, and spent the rest of class either feeling like I was going to puke or pass out. I'm still proud of myself for going, but it was not enjoyable. 

Right now I'm at Job #1, sitting at my desk... I still have cramps... I'm tired... ugh. I just want to crawl in bed, but nope - have to work Job #2 tonight before that can happen. :-( Needless to say I'm counting down things I'm looking forward to in hopes to make myself feel better...

8: hours until I can go home

7: days until my mom comes!

6: days until Christmas!!

5: days until Christmas Eve KFC!!! (yes you read that right)

4: days until Sarah tries Bikram with me!!!!

3: people I still need to buy presents for (Andy's mom, dad, and sister)

2: shifts left at Job#2 (until 2014)

1: more full day at Job #1 (until 2014) 

Wish me luck making it through my day! :-/

Good Start To The (Cold) Week

Happy Tuesday. Today's a little different from a typical Tuesday - instead of going to Job #2 after Job #1, I'll be going to Job #1's big holiday party. Woohoo.... (I don't really want to go).

Yesterday at Job #1 we had our office gift exchange. I scored! My Secret Santa got me a mug, mint tea, warm socks (gray and white striped - very cute), and a book: "The Buddha Walks into a Bar." I like all of these things, and together I think they'll create quite a nice and quiet evening for myself.

My gift - and holiday fascinator!

I was also proud that I stuck to my Seetha-approved foods at the party.

(I went back for more fruit)

I'm planning to have the same food success at tonight's party.

Anyway, last night I went to my third Bikram class in a row. It must have been extra hot last night - I was sweating like crazy! But it felt good and I really enjoyed the whole class. Seetha was even there, so it was a bonus to see her again too. I love her so much!

Now I'll leave you with one last (poor quality) picture. It's been very snowy and cold here - last night the temperature was a whopping 1 degree. The kitty cats were not having the cold and for the first time they both made a beeline for our bed.

Poco all up in my grill

Guess there's warmth in numbers? :-)

BikramBabs

Seetha wins again!!!!

Yesterday (Sunday) I: meditated twice, went to Bikram yoga, and completed my juice reset. I even managed to down some apple cider vinegar too. Success!

The morning started with a trip to the store to stock up on juice. Then home to change for Bikram. We got TONS of snow this weekend, so it was interesting to get bundled up, only to strip down for a 100+ degree room.

Bikram in the snow

The class went well - I was proud of myself for going alone. :-) When I got back home, Andy's parents were there... they decided to make the trip out from Buffalo just to hang out. I'll admit - it was not easy.... they made a huge pot of chili for lunch and sat around eating it while I just had juice. I understand that normal people eat food of course, haha, but of all days... a juice day... and of all foods... chili. Do you know how fragrant chili is?! Very. Why not a sandwich?? But I stuck to my plan and I'm so proud of myself for taking care of myself rather than sacrificing to fit in.

That evening Andy had to listen to some auditions, so I was on my own. I had the best night ever! First I met Lisa for tea at Starbucks (tea is allowed on juice days). It was so nice talking to her. Then I headed out for a special "Christmas Mission," followed by the grocery store to get prepped for the week, then back home where I cleaned out the fridge, made my lunch for the next day, and painted my nails. Wonderful.

And today is Monday. I woke up (after a really bad night of sleep to be honest) feeling alive, happy, and back to my usual self again. And what has made today even better is that I got to meet with Seetha over my lunch break. :-) Knowing I would see her today definitely helped me stay on track yesterday for sure. And it turns out I will see her again tonight - we are both planning to go to the same Bikram class again. Seetha twice in one day - wow! Now I really can't skip the class.

Alright, time for me to wrap this up. We have our Job #1 office holiday party/gift exchange in 15 minutes. I'm excited to see what present I'll get, haha. So mature I know. I also have a special holiday fascinator that I've brought to wear too. Stay tuned for a picture of it in tomorrow's post!

Saturday with Seetha

The email response I got from Seetha?

"Meet me at Starbucks at 3:15. Wear light yoga clothes. You'll be home by 6:00."

What????

Ok number 1.... let's just start with how much of an angel she is. My email was so dark and dismal. Anyone could have read it and said, "Suck it up Babs, you're being ridiculous." She didn't do that. Someone who was nice might say, "It's going to be ok, do x, y, and z." But Seetha? Nope. She sacrificed her entire Saturday afternoon to help me. She's hands down one of the most amazingly generous people I've ever met.

So what were we going to do?? I had a lot of ideas. 1) She was going to take me to an eating disorder clinic and show me I am not as screwed up as I think I am. 2) She was going to come over, clean out my cupboards, write a meal plan with me, and take me to Wegmans to make sure I only bought healthy foods. 3) She would take to to a Hindu Temple to meditate.

I was so wrong! Seetha took me to my first Bikram Yoga class. If you're not familiar with Bikram (I wasn't), it is a 90 minute class, 26 poses, and it's as hot as hell (anywhere from 105 to 115 degrees to be exact). She said she didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I would back out, haha. But I was excited to try it - she chose this because it's about the only thing I can do with my knee this week. Ok now prepare to be amazed with her care. She had contacted the place earlier - they had a mat, towels, and water all set up for me. She put her mat right in front of mine so I could copy her. And she had a second instructor do the entire practice next to me so that he could help me with any/all modifications I might need for my knee. Incredible. I felt so cared for. So lucky. See how amazing she is?

Then we went to Starbucks and talked for almost 2 hours. I wasn't home by 6:00... It was more like 7:45pm. She's so easy to talk to. :-) She helped me understand what was bothering me - apparently a night of indulgence can be caused by an internal trigger, but to go down a spiral for several weeks is the result of an outside trigger. My outside trigger right now? The biggest one is not getting to go home and be with my parents for Christmas. I can't express how sad and guilty this makes me feel - I'm trying to be positive and understanding, but it's a big deal to me, and it's hard. Stack onto that the uncertainty of my knee, the uncertainty of both mine and Andy's jobs, the stress of a wedding (mostly dress shopping)... oh and also it's the holidays, so there's tons of trigger foods available everywhere.

Now what? Well let me tell you, there's no way in the World I'm going to not follow her advice after she so generously donated her entire Saturday afternoon to me. I'm going to:

- Meditate twice a day
- Do Bikram Yoga 4 times this week
- Juice Reset of Sunday
- Back to no starch on Monday
- Meet with her on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (she wants to see me frequently and regularly - she says I just need support right now... and she's right).

After I finished up with Seetha, I took a quick much-needed shower, and then headed out to meet Sarah to celebrate Vinny's birthday. :-) It was so good to see her!! I've missed my Sarah time!

Birthday Boy Vinny!

Beautiful Sarah :-)

Babs and Sarah - together at last!

That wraps up Saturday. It was a late night and I was pretty darn drained by the time I fell in bed. But I fell in bed feeling immensely nurtured, cared for, and dare I say... hopeful... for the first time in awhile.

The Bottom of the Spiral

Ok so this title is rather depressing. And honestly the events in my life have not (for the most part) been that bad. So let's catch up, and I'll explain a little more...

We left off with pictures of Kristin from Job #2 on Tuesday. Lots of fun. :-) I'm drawing a blank on Wednesday... went to work, don't really remember what else. Thursday I went to Job #1. At night we had our "holiday desk meeting" for Job #2. 

My fellow deskies

More deskies

Even MORE deskies!

Friday morning I had my appointment at the knee surgeon's office. I didn't know what they would do, but I thought they might do something, so I had Andy come with me. 

Waiting for the doctor

Turns out they don't want to touch the cyst if they don't have too. It's relatively small and very close to a large artery - the reward not being worth the risk. Additionally, my knee pain is more in the front of my knee than the back, so they're still not convinced it's really the cause of my problems. Their best guess at this point? Scar tissue in my knee cap. The solution to fix that? Surgery. Again. I said NO WAY JOSE! Long story short, I ended up getting a cortisone shot (for now). I was SO nervous to have injections in my knee. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I still freaked out....

I got up too fast... on the walk (a very limped walk) to the lobby to check out, I started to feel really weak. Andy and I sat down....then I started leaning on him... my vision was going... game over. I went "vagal." Fast forward to me laying on the floor, a nurse and Andy working to get my coat and scarf off, cold towels being laid on my face and neck, and drinking orange juice through a bendy straw. I feel so bad for the other people in the waiting room - I bet I really freaked them out!!!

Knee full of cortisone

The cortisone was weird. It felt like my knee was blown up like a balloon. And it was numb. Weird. They told me to stay home, take it easy (more because I went vagal, not because of the shot), and ice. Don't need much to convince me!

Well much to my surprise, I got a visit from Rose! She was making a quick trip to the post office, saw my car, and decided to come hang out with me. :-) So what do two girls do on a Friday afternoon? Try on wedding things of course, lol. Elizabeth is letting me borrow her veil and sparkly belt (if they work with the dress I choose it will help save so much money... thank you Elizabeth!). 

Hippy bride Rose :-)

Bride Babs :-)

Ok so all of these things are great and fun (except the shot, but at least that's a helpful thing). But here's what's not great and fun. My inner thoughts and the way I've been treating my body. Except for maybe 3 days, I've been a wreck with food since Thanksgiving. I've gained a little over 10 pounds (less than a month). I go to bed feeling sick to my stomach because I've eaten so much. Then wake up and start all over to see how much I can eat again. Finally on Friday evening I did what I've needed to do for awhile. I emailed Seetha. I had hit the bottom of the spiral, and I knew I needed her help. 

Once again, she came to the rescue.

Kristin McGlamourShots

Attention readers: Kristin expressed displeasure over the picture I posted of her that was taken at my party. I tried to remedy the situation last night while working at Job #2. Now I dedicate this blog post to pictures of Kristin that I'm sure she'll like much more. ;-)

Standing at "Phase 1"

Oops, she caught me!

Getting into the holiday spirit :-)

Ted and Kristin!

Babs and Kristin!

Talking on the phone!!!

Surprise!

Game over... :-(

Notice how we came full circle? This last picture is in the same pose as the picture she didn't like!! ;-)

I also wanted to take part in the picture fun last night at Job #2.

Mwa ha ha

You can tell it wasn't exactly a busy shift....