Well... I went to the graduation party - ended up just eating dinner there. I made healthy choices but still took a bite-sized portion of mac n cheese and cornbread jesus that I really wanted to try. I count that a success: being healthy while not completely depriving myself.
Then it was time for the front desk meeting. I didn't eat the pizza. Win. I did have a big piece of (delicious) chocolate cake. Fail. I wasn't proud of my decision, but I had also brought my workout clothes so I thought I would at least get to exercise a bit to counteract some of the cake. After the meeting I changed clothes... but instead of exercising I ended up sitting and talking to Anna, Lisa, and Vanya. Win/Fail. Win because I got to hang out with my friends. Fail because I had a 100% sedentary day. But spending time with Lisa was more important than working out - she had a very sad day because the time had finally come to let Mitten go. Lisa, you are so brave and strong. I know Miss Mae feels a lot better now.
Anyway... I feel almost embarrassed to even confess this next part because compared to what Lisa is going through I have nothing to complain about, but... as soon as I got in my car to drive home last night I completely lost it. I just started SOBBING. And I could. not. stop. I cried while I brushed my teeth. I cried while I put my pajamas on. I cried while I laid in bed playing Candy Crush. It wasn't pretty.
And so it goes that this morning I woke up feeling completely drained. I got to job #1 still feeling down, and then got an email that there would be birthday cake in the conference room for the guy that collects our recycling at 11:20am. Which I ate. Cake before lunch. Fail.
I've managed to resist eating a second piece of cake. I've managed to not go out and buy any coffee shop baddies. I've managed to stick to the lunch/afternoon snacks I packed for myself, so I really shouldn't be too terribly down on myself, but I am. Why? Because I'm scared I'll go home and lick the jar of peanut butter clean. Andy is hanging out with his grandmother in Buffalo so I'll be all alone and no one will be there to witness the damage. I wish I could convince myself that I am on a hidden camera show at all times, but I know that's not the case. Why do I write all of this? To tell you all that it is my goal to go home, eat an early/light dinner, change clothes, and get out of the house. I'm hoping to go to the gym, the grocery store, and tanning. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to write again... this time with a more successful update of what I accomplished.
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